


Scars Remind Us That the Past is Real

by inkheart9459



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/F, Song fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-28
Updated: 2013-07-28
Packaged: 2017-12-21 14:11:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/901205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inkheart9459/pseuds/inkheart9459
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Regina knows that the music a person owns shows a lot about them. What makes them happy, sad, what resonates with a person is all contained within a person's collection. She steals Emma's iPod to try and take a peek into her mind. Regina listens, but learns more than she bargained for once Emma arrives home and a song affects Emma in an unexpected way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Scars Remind Us That the Past is Real

**Author's Note:**

> Hello World of Swan Queen. So this is a oneshot inspired by the song Concrete Angel by Martina McBride. The idea literally came to me fully formed in a dream, so it was a lovely plot bunny. But that being said, there are semi-graphic mentions of child abuse. So, if that isn't your thing, thank you for visiting I hope to see you again sometime. And for those of you who got this alert because you added me to your author alerts because of In a Different World...don't kill me? I won't abandon it I swear. I just...no writing mojo for that story right now. Anyway, read away everyone.
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own a single thing.

            Regina curled her legs under her, flipping through a proposal for a new wing to the high school idly. She would approve it of course, just as soon as she called attention to discrepancies. Hammers did not cost one hundred dollars apiece. Regina rolled her eyes. Honestly, did these people think that just because they had changed worlds that they could pull one over on her?

She circled all the inconsistences and tossed the file aside. She leaned back more fully on the sofa and sighed. The music she had largely been ignoring came into sharper focus. It was country music now, certainly not what she had started off on. Regina cocked an eyebrow and looked over to where Emma’s iPod was docked in her stereo system. It seemed the blonde had wide taste in music since at the start she had been listening to jazz. Then again, the fact that Emma even had jazz on her iPod had astonished her as well. It seemed Miss Swan was always full of surprises.

She stretched luxuriously and stood, walking over to the little device, tapping the click wheel to light up the screen. Martina McBride popped up. Regina thought she had at least heard of her in passing. Well, she was definitely different from most the country music Regina had acquainted herself with, different in a very good way. So far her songs seemed to be about more than lost love and drinking. She would see if the singer continued to impress her.

Regina walked to the sidebar, pouring herself a drink as the music around her told about the stages of womanhood. Her nose wrinkled at the mention of Spaghetti-o’s. Vile, unhealthy things those are that she never let Henry have no matter how he begged. She can’t relate to most of the song. It was not like she grew up in this world and had the same experiences. It wasn’t like she had a standard childhood even by Enchanted Forest standards. But she knew about broken hearts and she knew about wishing on shooting stars, so she supposed it was a good enough song.

Regina heard the front door open and close quickly, shutting out as much cold air as possible. A minute later Emma appeared in the doorway of her study, smiling brightly. She walked in and kissed Regina lightly.

“Hey,” Emma said, still holding her in her arms.

“Hello, Miss Swan,” she returned, smiling.

“Miss Swan? What’d I do now?”

Regina waited a few moments while Emma fidgeted. “Nothing Emma, I just like seeing you squirm.” She laughed lightly.

Emma smacked her arm gently. “Not nice.”

Regina just looked at her. “I am the Evil Queen. I’m not supposed to be nice, dear.”

“You’re supposed to be nice to your White Knight. Everyone else you can snark at. Just not me.”

Regina rolled her eyes, but kept on smiling. “I suppose, Emma.”

Emma returned her smile again. In the background the song changed and Regina kept half an ear out waiting to see if Miss McBride would disappoint her with a song about lost love this time. Emma smiled over at the iPod.

“I see someone decided to investigate my music collection. I figured you would try to go through my stuff first instead. Then again it’s been a few days since I’ve moved in, you’ve probably already done that haven’t you?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” Regina smiled. “But yes, I decided to go through your music. You can tell much about a person that way. You have quite the varied taste in music, Emma. I did not expect you to have jazz, or country that matter.” She gestured at the stereo.

“What sort of music did you think I’d listen to, Regina?”

“I was torn between death metal and rock, quite honestly. I do have enough faith in you to avoid the ridiculousness that passes for music on the radio, though.”

“Well I’m glad I have your vote of confidence on something.”

“When you throw a sword at a dragon it doesn’t exactly give me much faith in you for other things.”

“Hey! I killed it. So what does it matter how I did it?”

“Sheer dumb luck. But you have other skills to make up for it, dear.” Regina stepped forward and pecked Emma gently on the lips before she extricated herself from Emma’s grasp and went to sit on the couch once again. She had just put her cider on a coaster when Emma joined her and cuddled up to her side. Regina sighed and leaned into the contact.

The song played on, this one much darker than the last. Domestic violence played out through the eyes of a little girl. Regina swallowed. She understood this song quite well, more than anyone should. When the house burned with the father inside, Regina cheered silently. Perhaps it wasn’t right, but Regina found she didn’t care all that much. She remembered wishing the Leopold would suddenly meet his doom be it by fire or otherwise all too clearly to feel any remorse.

The song switched again. Emma’s head shot up and her body tensed against Regina. “Regina change the song please.”

Regina turned to Emma and cocked her head to the side. “Why, what’s wrong, dear?”

“Just…will you…I…please?”

Regina nodded and nudged Emma away. She stood from the couch and walked over to the stereo. She was about to hit the next button but stopped mid-motion. The lyrics had caught her attention.

_“Wearin' the same dress she wore yesterday  
She hides the bruises with linen and lace”_

Her hands clenched into fists involuntarily. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Emma pick up her glass of cider and throw it back. The song played on, but Regina couldn’t bring herself to change it. She had to be mistaken. The song couldn’t be about what she thought.

 _Somebody cries in the middle of the night_  
 neighbors hear, but they turn out the lights  
A fragile soul caught in the hands of fate  
When morning comes it'll be too late”

Regina swallowed painfully past the lump that had just appeared in her throat. It seemed the song could be about what she thought. She walked over to the side bar again and poured herself a new glass. Emma joined her, refilling her glass.

The final strains of the song died as they walked back to the couch. Regina hit pause on Emma’s iPod and turned off her stereo. That was more than enough music for the night, she thought.

They curled up together on the couch again, sipping at their drinks in silence. The fire crackled in front of them merrily as if nothing had just happened. Regina was glad that Henry was staying the night with Snow. She did not want to have to explain why she was so upset. She was quite sure Emma did not either. She was glad she had a bright child, but sometimes it was exhausting.

Emma threw back the rest of her cider and set down her glass. She curled more firmly into Regina, arms wrapping around her small figure and squeezing tightly. “The last home I ever stayed in…it was the worst out of all of them.” She stopped talking and took a shaky breath.

“You don’t have to talk if you don’t want to, Emma,” Regina said in a quiet voice.

“No, I want to. I think you would be the only one to understand anyway.”

Regina nodded once. That was probably true.

“I think in the entire time I was in the system the time I lived there was the only time I really, honestly, truly feared for my life. To start off with, they weren’t bad, you know? I thought that I had lucked out after a string of pretty crappy homes. They only had one other foster kid. I figured maybe I had found one of the houses that wasn’t strictly doing it for money, and those are usually the best ones. They treated me really well to start with. I always had enough food, they actually seemed to give a shit about me, even if I didn’t want them too and I blew them off. They just smiled and sat through it. No threatening me to send me back or anything every time I did something stupid. Hell, they even took my shopping once and let me pick out whatever I wanted. It was the high life for a foster kid really.”

Emma swallowed hard, burying her face in Regina’s neck inhaling deeply a couple of times before she relaxed a little. Regina wrapped her arms around Emma’s waist and started to draw small circles on the skin where her tank top had ridden up slightly. Emma shivered slightly, goosebumps popping up, before continuing.

“The other kid there, he was like two or three years younger than I was I think, he acted weird the whole time. I just wrote it off back then. It wasn’t anything new; kids in the system acted weird all the time. How can you not with all the shit we had to go through? One day he fell down the stairs in the middle of the night. He broke a whole bunch of bones. The doctors apparently said that it was a miracle he survived. The parents said that when he fell down the stairs he was trying to sneak out again to see friends, ones that they had asked him not to see, so they sent him back into the system. Mostly I think it was just so they didn’t have to pay the medical bills, but I’m not really sure. After he got hurt it was just me for a while…things changed not long after that.”

Regina hugged Emma closer, moving her hands up from Emma’s waist to stroke her hair gently. Emma held on even tighter to her if it was possible. Regina’s stomach started to churn, guilt rising up like a blanket, smothering her. This was all her fault.

“It started just with yelling. Yelling I could handle. It was nothing new. Everything I did set them off, coming home late, doing what little school work I did do at weird hours, hell even not putting my fork the right way when I was setting the table for dinner. It went on like that for a couple of weeks before the beatings started. The husband, he was bad, but he was the type to punch you around a couple of times, just until you were on the floor and then he would leave. I’d been through that more than a few times already. I could handle it. The wife was a different story. She was sick sadistic son of a bitch. She liked to use knives.”

Emma stopped to rub her shoulder. Regina’s eyes widened. Emma had a fairly large, ugly scar on that shoulder. Anger flared in Regina. How dare that woman hurt her Emma? Regina tugged down the strap of Emma’s tank top and kissed along the scar gently. She lingered there a bit longer than necessary, relishing the feeling of Emma’s skin under her lips. She was the reason Emma had the scar and she was going to show her that she was still beautiful even with it.

 A little bit more tension blew out of Emma as Regina’s lips traveled her skin.

“She gave me that cut near the end, got a little carried away. Anyway, the beatings weren’t too bad until they got a new kid. They showered that kid in affection just like they had me. As soon as the new boy got comfortable and started to trust them…that’s when things got bad. They beat me senseless more than a few times. Every time they came near me I thought that I was going to die that time. The bruises got bigger, the hits more numerous, the cuts deeper. It was the only time I honestly thought about telling my case worker about what was going on. Anything would have been better than living with them, but I didn’t for some god unknown reason.”

“Why didn’t you if it was really that bad?” She wished that someone had helped Emma. Anyone, it didn’t matter as long as Emma had stopped being hurt. Tears prickled at the sides of her eyes.

Emma shivered. “I was stupid. I didn’t trust anyone. Why would I after everything I had been through? I wasn’t sure that anyone would or could help me. Or that anyone would believe me if I did tell them. Who would believe a kid in the system over this family who was ‘just trying to help.’ And then when they found out that I had tried to tell someone…it would’ve gotten even worse. On some level I also think I thought it was my fault they were beating me, that if I was better they wouldn’t have hit me and that if I asked anyone to get me out of there, they would see whatever was wrong with me too. So I just kept quiet.”

Regina’s heart ached. She knew that feeling and she knew it well. “There’s nothing wrong with you Emma. There was something wrong with them.”

“I know that now. But it took me years to realize I was wrong.” Emma tangled her hands in her hair and started twirling the ends around her fingers. “Anyway, finally, one night they did go farther than they should’ve. I couldn’t have healed at home from what they had done to me. I remember praying to die that night. I just wanted it to end. It didn’t. They decided that the best plan of action was to take me to a sketchy part of downtown, beat me some more, and make it look like one of the local gangs had done it instead. They were masters at covering everything up by that time. Hell, I think while I was out of it at the hospital I heard them talking about me being possibly raped. He would have done it too if it made it look more like some sort of sick gangbang if necessary. I don’t know it’s true. I didn’t want to know, so I didn’t ask. It was just one more thing in a long line of fucked up shit I had to endure. After I healed I got sent back to a group home to recover fully. Once that was done they farmed me out again to another family. When I heard the news I packed up all my shit and left and never looked back.”

Emma pulled back and wiped away a few tears. “And the whole time that this was going on that song, that stupid song was playing on the radio all the time. I couldn’t escape it even when I wasn’t at that house. It taunted me and reminded me of what was happening. When I bought that album it was her greatest hits. I didn’t really pay much attention to what it had on it, really. I knew it probably had the songs I wanted so I bought it.”

She sniffled and buried her head again in Regina’s hair. “As much as I hate it and as much as it reminds me of that horrible time I can’t bring myself to delete it. It’s like they would be winning if I deleted it, you know?”

“In a way, yes I suppose I do,” Regina agreed quietly. Regina looked into the fire for a long minute before saying. “Emma, I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“It’s all my fault that you ended up in that home. If I hadn’t cast the curse you would have grown up with your parents, safe, sound, and so very happy.” Her voice broke halfway through and tears threatened to spill over.

“Don’t, Regina, just don’t. You can’t change what you’ve done and you can’t blame yourself for what others did. You’re making up for everything now, that’s all that matters. Besides, if you hadn’t cast the curse we wouldn’t have Henry and we wouldn’t have each other.” Emma paused for a second before adding. “And we wouldn’t have modern medicine. Or indoor plumbing.” Emma shivered in mock disgust and they both laughed weakly.

“I suppose not.” Regina hugged Emma tighter, burying her face in blonde curls and blinking back her tears. She didn’t know what she did to deserve this woman in her arms, but she was glad she had her. No one understood her like Emma did. It was odd after so many years of fear and loathing. 

They descended into silence again, the logs much lower in the fireplace. Emma eventually leaned back and kissed Regina soundly. The kiss was comforting, if a little desperate. Regina returned it fully. Emma’s tongue lightly traced over her lip scar and she gasped. Emma chuckled once before hugging Regina once more.

“I suppose it’s only fair to tell you a scar story for a scar story, Emma.”

“Really?” Emma asked in a small voice. Regina tried to avoid talking about her past. It was too painful.

Regina nodded. “Yes.” She sighed and renewed her tight grip on Emma.

“I was young when it happened, around ten years old. I had just started to learn how to ride with the old stable master. Daniel came a few years later when the old man died. Anyway, I had my own pony of course to learn on and the man took care of him for me. Though every time I would run off to go back to the house he would grumble and gripe, but I paid him no mind. The lessons progressed well enough until one day the pony and I were out riding the trails on our property. The man was quite far behind us. Normally the trails were safe enough that it didn’t matter, but that day was different. It had just stormed horribly the day before and some debris had washed over the trail. It looked bad, but I thought we could still get through it ok.”

Regina shrugged, jostling Emma’s head slightly. “I was young and foolish. The pony knew better than I did and refused to budge. When I kept prodding at it to go it almost threw me. The only thing that saved me was the stable master coming up beside me in time to calm down the animal. Afterwards he looked at me and said ‘the horse doesn’t trust ye lassie. We’ll be changin’ that. You’ll be takin’ care of him from now on.’ It was a good plan in the scheme of things, but I begged him to reconsider.”

“Your mother wouldn’t have approved?” Emma asked.

Regina shook her head slowly. “No, I would have been doing a servants work for him. A lady never did work beneath her station and she would have seen grooming a horse well beneath my status. At the time I was more worried about being late to tea though. Mother…she was very strict about me never being late, especially for tea. A lady never misses her tea time.”

Regina shivered and curled more into Emma. Emma drew back her hands came up to cup her face, stroking her cheeks with her thumbs. Regina leaned into the contact, thankful of the warmth and support the touch conveyed.

“The stable master just looked at me and commanded his horse forward. The horse hesitated, but complied, slowly picking its way through the detritus. I was in awe. I wanted to be able to do that one day, so I stopped protesting. When we got back to the stables the man set about showing me how to groom and feed my pony so I could establish a firmer bond with him. It went surprisingly well for a few weeks. I managed to avoid being late for tea and the pony grew to like me more and it showed in my riding. I was happier than I could remember being in a long while. But then one day a lesson went longer than expected and of course the stable master wouldn’t let me out of my duties to the horse.”

“He didn’t know what would happen if you were late?” Emma’s voice was almost a growl.

“I’m not sure. I know that he never personally witnessed anything my mother did to me, but servants do talk.”

Emma tensed, eyes flashing, a scowl formed on her face. “If he did know-”

“He’s long dead, Emma. He was a very practical man. Like I said servants talk. He might not have believed anything they said about my treatment if he did hear anything. He had no use for idle gossip.”

Emma relaxed marginally but still scowled.

Irrational as it was, Regina was glad that Emma wanted to go back protect her, if only from the ignorance of an old man. Warmth spread through her body. It was a feeling she hadn’t felt in a very long time.

Regina continued, “I groomed my pony as fast as I could, but I was still considerably late for tea. I could tell Mother was displeased when I arrived, but she didn’t start yelling right off the bat. I thought I had gotten off lightly, with just a glare and her disproval. I was so very wrong.”

Regina paused for a moment, swallowing hard. She finished off her glass of cider, relishing the burn as it slid down her throat. It grounded her enough for her to continue.

“You know they say that the quiet kind of anger is the worst? I believe they are right. My mother proved it to me long before I ever experienced it myself. The beatings were always worse when she quietly stewed over whatever little infraction to her rules that I had stumbled into. This particular beating…it was the worst of all.”

Regina curled into herself, shrinking into a tiny ball on the couch, arms wrapped around her knees, gripping tightly. Emma shifted her position to accommodate and then went back to hugging Regina, heading resting on the smaller woman’s shoulder. Regina was glad for the support, but she couldn’t get her body to relax enough now to return the affection. She was slowly starting to slip back into the past.

“Mother was good at hiding everything. She mostly used magic of course, so she could easily pick and choose how much damage to do and to where. That night, she lost it completely. It was the only time she physically laid hands on me. It was also the only time she injured my face. Every other time she deliberately avoided it. She couldn’t visibly deform her only way to advance socially, I suppose. I ended up with a couple of broken ribs and bruises from head to toe. Just when I thought she was done she kicked me in the face where I was lying silently sobbing. The toe of her boot caused this.” She reached up to her lip and stroked her scar gently.

Emma hugged her harder and whispered, “Thank you.”

Regina turned her face towards her, eyebrows scrunching. “For what, dear?”

“For sharing with me. I know it’s not easy, so thank you. And thank you for letting me tell you about that memory and for supporting me through it. Just thanks, Regina.

“You’re more than welcome, Emma. But there’s no real need to thank me. I understand that this is something people in love do, support each other, even if I’m not quite good at it.”

“No Regina, I think you’re better at it than anyone else. At least for me.”

Regina smiled slightly and stretched out her legs again. She didn’t feel as if she was descending back into the past any longer. Emma quickly shifted herself onto her lap. She looked down at Regina, green eyes conveying a message that Regina could only part way understand.

“I love you Regina, no matter how fucked up both of our pasts are, I love you. Never forget that ok?”

“Ok.”

Emma leaned down and kissed Regina once again. It was slow, gentle, and deep, communicating everything that they didn’t quite have the words to express. Sadness, pain, comfort, hope, and love all combined into one kiss. For the first time Regina didn’t feel as if she would fall apart at the mention of her mother and how she treated her. For the first time she felt as if she could honestly talk about things, even the hard things, and not descend back into a spiral of pain. For the first time she wasn’t worrying about what tomorrow would bring and what it would take away from her. For the first time she felt safe and loved. And Emma Swan was the cause of it all.

Regina smiled and kissed the other woman harder.

 

 

 


End file.
